Passion Is Not Enough

I am not sure if my passion to become a doctor is a really boundless enthusiasm. Waniey!! Wake up and be strong, u have just finished one posting. Do not give up to soon. I'm not sure if I can pass my surgery posting. I am so bad in handling with failure because I never failed in my preclinical years.

I have no intention to brag, tapi seriously masa year 1 and year 2 xpernah pun takut failed cuma less confident je. Tak tau la, nak cakap basic science strong sangat tu takde la. Tak dapat dean list pun tapi alhamdulillah dari first block until last block, dapat maintain result B and B-. Masa tu in my opinion, berbekalkan result macam nie boleh la bawak pegi clinical years, cuma nak kena improve sikit.

But I was wrong, my basic science is so weak that during the BST, I cant answer basic pathology and anatomy questions. Bukan nak improve sikit, nak kena improve banyak kot. Bila lecturer dah buat how-can-she-pass-first prof exam-facial-expression, mulalah rasa down. "Oh my God, dont tell me you dont know this. Your anatomist will commit suicide, bla bla..." Ayat2 di atas sangat sarcastic dan langsung tak motivated, tapi deep inside my heart I feel I deserve them.

Dua ke tiga soalan tu ok lagi la. Tapi bila dah kena serangan bertubi2 boleh jadi cardiogenic shock. Bukan takut jawab salah. Ye, memang betol we learn from mistake, jangan takut buat silap. Tapi masalahnya otak memang kosong sampai tak boleh nak hentam. "Oh my God, I can see smoke coming from her head". Hmm...masa tu rasa diri dah sama level dengan Patrick.

"Kitak sik apa Wany, kitak kuat. Kamek sik pernah tengok kitak nangis" Menangis tak semestinya lemah. Dan dalam hidup, tak semestinya orang yang kuat akan terus kuat. Kalau explode boleh jadi lebih lemah dari orang yang selalu menangis.

Am I over reacting?? Saya tau semua orang cakap susah. Medic is the toughest course in the world. Tapi tu bukan alasan untuk sedapkan hati. Kalau macam tu sampai bila nak improve??

 I am disappointed..